Posting again...

It's been more than a year since the last time I post anything in here. So many things happen to me during that period. Some worth to mention, some not. I don't know what exactly that makes me stop writing in here, perhaps because I found another medium to write (although different kind of writing) or simply because I was lazy, but I guess it's time to start writing in here again.

My dad passed away two months ago. It kinda changed me, and in some ways I feel like I'm losing direction. I don't know what I want to do with my future. Simply put, I lost the goal to be more than I am today.

It seems injustice to blame my dad's death for that, and I have no intention to it. I can't denied there's an empty void inside of me. I've been trying to fill it with things and other people but I realize there's nothing in this world that could fill it. The hole will always be there for the rest of my life. I just have to get used to it.

Hopefully I'll find something worth fighting for my future.

why I didn't favor Indonesian TV's production

Waktu sarapan (well, actually it's brunch 'coz it's in 10 o'clock) tadi, gw melihat iklan sebuah acara TV sinetron Indonesia untuk anak-anak berjudul Ben7. Kalau gw ga salah, ada salah satu kartun anak entah produk US atau Jepang yang berjudul Ben10, dan hal pertama yang terlintas di benak gw adalah: "Again?"
Entah sudah berapa banyak acara di TV Indonesia yang 'menyadur' (bahasa halus untuk mencuri) dari cerita yang sudah terlebih dulu terkenal di dunia. Gw masih inget beberapa tahun yang lalu ada sinetron yang merupakan plagiat murahan dari Harry Potter, Detective Conan, I dream of Ginnie, Mermaid, dan beberapa cerita lainnya.
Di negara dengan jutaan orang dan, paling tidak, ratusan ribu otak kreatif, menyedihkan sekali acara-acara tv Indonesia diisi oleh produk-produk plagiarism. Terlebih lagi, ini adalah produk untuk anak. Memangnya apa yang ingin diajarkan oleh para pebisnis media pada anak-anak? bahwa tidak apa mencontek, mencuri ide, melakukan plagiarisme, selama itu bisa membuat kaya, terkenal, dan populer? Padahal tema dari cerita-cerita yang mereka curi seperti Conan dan Harry Potter adalah berjuang melawan ketidakadilan, dan sama-sama memiliki nilai orisinalitas yang tinggi.
Tentu saja ada orang-orang di Indonesia yang mencoba untuk menghasilkan karya-karya yang orisinil, dan bukan sekedar mengkopi apa yang sudah terlebih dulu terkenal. Tapi kebanyakan dari mereka hanya bergerak di lingkungan terbatas (misalnya dalam musik, dengan label 'indie'), karena bila industri media masih seperti sekarang, memandang konsumennya sekedar sebagai obyek dan bukan sebagai subyek, orisinalitas hanya akan dianggap sebagai resiko bisnis yang besar, tidak aman, dan tidak menguntungkan.
At the end, it's all about profit, a ka money.
Bukan berarti hal yang sama tidak terjadi di US atau Jepang, di negara industri seperti dua negara itu, uang di atas segala-galanya. Tapi sepertinya negara-negara tersebut lebih peduli dan lebih terbuka pada kreativitas, dan lebih keras dalam menanggapi plagiarism. Atau mungkin juga harga diri mereka yang tinggi menyebabkan mereka tidak sudi melakukan plagiarism...
And that is one of the reason why I didn't favor Indonesian TV's production (beside the fact that those foreign movies or TV series are far more logic and believable, less frustrating and irritating, than ours).

Holiday!!

Yes everyone, summer holiday (atau lebih dikenal sebagai libur kenaikan kelas di Indonesia) has arrived!! For movies lovers this mean two things: tons of great summer movies, and a very long ticket line.
Hari ini aja, di bioskop XXI Botani Square ada 4 film unggulan, 3 dari Indonesia dan 1 film Hollywood: Garuda di Dadaku, Transformer: Revenge of the Fallen, Ketika Cinta Bertasbih, dan King. Antriannya lumayan, seperti dulu waktu di Bogor cuma ada Galaxy dan 21 Dewi Sartika (masih inget ngantri LOTR panjang banget...)
Kemudian di jajaran coming soon ada berbagai genre movies, pecinta fantasi tentu sudah tidak sabar menunggu... Harry Potter!!! (Yay, mari bersorak para Potter mania yang sudah menunggu dari tahun lalu), The Secret Moonacre (not very enthusias), Street Fighter, dan Inkheart (yang sudah sedikit basi karena dvd original sudah keluar...). Kemudian di kartun ada Ice Age dan Up! yang berbeda jenis cerita tapi dijamin sama-sama lucu.
For teens ada Hannah Montana dan 17 Again. Drama dan suspense: Public Enemies (yay for Depp and Bale fans), The Hurt Locker, Bordertown, Crossing Over, The Talking of Pelham 1 2 3 (John Travolta & Denzel Washington, a must-seen movie!) dan masih banyak lagi.
Di film Indonesia ada... well, nevermind. sebagian besar horror norak (seriously, pocong kamar sebelah? sekalian aja pocong next door biar kaya The Boy Next Door), komedi slapstick dan teen romance.

so... prepare your money (and your foot for standing in line), because it's time for summer blockbuster!

Double-Bladed Sword

For a RPG gamers, martial-artists, or just a weapon lovers, Double-Blade sword is not something unfamiliar for them. Double-Blade Sword is a sword which in two side, front-back or left-right, are pointed sharp. The double-bladed sword consisted of two opposing blades set at differing directions and connected by a hilt that was generally longer then that which would have been used on two separate swords.

This weapon have a high damage ability, since it deadly in both side, but the user is also in danger, since when one point the edge to one opponent, one also point other edge to oneself. Therefore this weapon only used by an highly expert in martial-arts.

No, I didn't start blabbing about sword because I like fantasy and historical story, but I'm using it as a metaphor. Everything in the world is double-bladed swords. Like knife can be useful to cut vegetables, meat or chop onion, it can also being used to stab people. Even a pen can be used to stab people's eye (as it seen in movie Resident Evil 2). Lately there's been a discussion about either facebook are should be forbid or not. I think facebook are also double-bladed swords. You can use it for contacting your friends, reminisce past fun times (by looking at pictures), expanding your social relation, but of course it can be consuming. It consume your time, your concentration, your focus, and we not even mention the possibility of causing jealousy, bragging, and narsism. But hey, like any other things, it all depend on the user, will one used it for one goods or harm oneself? The key to use everything is to realize it potency and also the risk.

So have you?

The Winner Stand Alone

"One of the recurrent themes of my books is the importance of paying the price of your dreams. But to what extent can our dreams be manipulated? For the past decades, we lived in a culture that privileged fame, money, power – and most of the people were led to believe that these were the real values that we should pursue.

We all should be a “winner”. Not in the sense of someone who finally wins what is important to his/her life. Not in the sense that happiness is the most valuable gift on Earth – and it can be attained here and now, when your work fulfills your heart. We should be a winner in the sense that the system portraits a successful person: celebrity, influence, photos in glossy magazines, behaving like the masters of the universe.

Yes, you may reach the goal society has fed you – but will you be satisfied? Will you be whole? Will you be in peace? This cycle of possession never ends – because the moment that you think that you have reached your goal another desire creeps in. And how can you find rest when it is the hunt that moves you?

While people are connected – omniscient thanks to their mobile phones and GPS – they all speak the same words, fight for the same goals, and crave the same things. How could it be otherwise? If fashion exists it is precisely because you can mold the desire of the masses – or how else could a bag, a dress impose itself as necessary?

In a world of invisible yet unsurpassable “diktats”, where a few puppeteers pull the strings of the many, instill in other people’s dreams the pursue of superficial things, there seems to be a rising feeling, a silent despair that creeps in.

Greed to have, greed to be seen, greed to prevail, even greed to kill, if you think it is for a good cause – like love, for example.

What we don’t know is that, behind the scenes, the real manipulators remain anonymous. They understand that the most effective power is the one that nobody can notice – until it is too late, and you are trapped."

This is the post in Paulo Coelho's blog about his latest book, The Winner Stand Alone. I haven't read the book, though this book is in the top three my must-have-books list.

Coelho mention about happiness. Simple happiness, doing what you like, or at least not doing a job that makes you feel like you're killing yourself inside. My friend talk to me yesterday about how she got scold from a person who interviewed her because she cannot answer 'What is your greatest accomplishment?'. These day it's all about that, isn't it? as if you are half human if not pursuing something, as if it's a despicable thing for not 'accomplish' on something. I'll say stay alive is pretty much an accomplishment...

Everybody have a goal, even they didn't realize it, even they didn't talk about it, or seems like do nothing to pursuit it. I do have goal. I have some, and one that I desire the most. One that makes me choose to put other aside, and walk in the path less traveled. But what actually the motives? yes, that is the most important question, motives behind it all, to see beyond the surfaces...

Coelho talking about greed. For me the greed is there, alongside the hunger and the thirst. Wanting to have some, wanting to be seen, wanting to prevail. But there are also other things, love if I may said so. Not the love to other person, but love to the things I like and inspire me the most, the activities that bring joy to me, the things that makes me punch the sky and exclaimed "yeah, I'm alive and it feels good!"

As Coelho said in his many works, it's not about fulfilling your desire, but about fulfilling your heart. Not about bag and shoes and clothes, or fame and fortune, but about doing things that your heart wish for. Therefore, be prepare to revealed what your heart wishes for and join in, as Coelho said, in the journey into a world that is coming to and end...

"We are part of the solution, if we go back to the real values of life, being “follow your dream” the most important of all. Not the dreams of the Superclass. Not the dreams of our parents, or our partners. We should be what we always wanted to be."

Self doubt

Pace... speed... tempo... velocity... whatever, you name it!
It all mean the same in one thing: in Life.

Old and wiser folks said, everybody had their own pace, chooses their own road, and walking their own steps. But, as we are younger and foolish person, we cant help ourselves to stop looking at other (now is the time to said, the grass always greener in the other garden).
I see people have come so far, accomplished so much, and done so many things that makes me in my gloomy day, feels like loser.
There are many things I want to do, but there are many limitation. I know I shouldn't give up, and I'm not giving up. I guess I'm postpone it, or putting it aside, and concentrate on things that urgent.
But then, it grew self-doubt in my mind, can I do it? can get what I want?
the thing is, in my life, I rarely get what I want (beside books, that's why I like books, they never fail me), and I cannot be like some people who just go and chase their dreams and leave everything behind.
I can't leave everything behind...
I can't walk away and not turning back...
I don't even sure I can walk away...

and so I stay, and dwell in self-doubt on should I be a responsible family member, or go for experiences and adventure...

me, in my gloomy day

Optimist

How to be optimist?
Some people might think my question a bit awkward, but people who knew me might understand why I'm asking this question.

I'm a realistic person, even tend to be pessimist and cynical on several occasion (wait, what am I thinking? I always sarcastic and cynical). It wasn't something that happen to me on purpose. It's what life teach me, and what life shaped me into. I'm not the self-help material, I never interested in reading Chicken Soup, I like stories with different point of view, I tend to like sidekick like Ron Weasley in Harry Potter or Merry and Pippin in LOTR instead the main characters, I always look for something behind the surfaces, I'm not easily trust people, and I hate angelic-protagonist character.

Why I'm discussing this? because few days ago I watch Oprah and the show is about The Secret. I never read the book or watch the DVD, because as I wrote earlier, I'm not the self-help material, and the secret seems to be like one. But I'm curious about few things they say and I try to make my own vision board. Vision board is where you put your vision, the things you desire in your life (not the silly things like new jeans or BMW, but the things you really wanted in your life, like for me, traveling abroad).
I understand the purpose of the board. The point of making the board is that it makes you concentrate on what you want, you'll see the board everyday and it will makes you think about it and find a way to make it reality.
They also say that if believe that and (as I quoted) you concentrate on what you want, without pushing it too much, the universe will open the way for you to achieve what you want.
Okay, now that's the difficult part for me to except. Because it takes an optimist to believe in that, and I don't have that in my molecules.

As far as I know, life's doesn't work that way. Life's not fair like my friend said, Life messy, Life sucks, Life's full of things we cannot control and predict. It's not that I hate life, life can be fun and happy and enjoyable. But from what I know it doesn't always that way, and the things that you want doesn't always comes true.

So is it possible, the universe works the way The Secret's experts said?
Or it just they way I already know it?